Some phrases that narcissists tend to use to manipulate their victims
We hear a lot of talk about narcissism, but who are narcissists? A narcissist is basically a person who is infatuated with themselves.
In fact, in a love story with a narcissist (either male or female) the development always follows three phases: (1) the over-evaluation, during which they make their new partner believe that they are the person that they have always desired, (2) the devaluation, in which the narcissist constantly criticizes their partner making him/her feel guilty and puts the blame on them for the deteriorating relationship, and finally (3) the sudden discard that serves to amplify the tragedy so as to inflict even more suffering on their partner.
It is not just the same storyline that a narcissist follows, but also the words and phrases that they use are always identical and being aware of them means knowing how to identify and stay away from a person who will only cause pain and suffering.
1. Typical phrases used in the idealization phase
In this phase the narcissist's plan is to conquer the person they have chosen, making them believe that they are exactly the partner they have been looking for. Narcissists are endowed with a powerful charisma from which their victim finds it hard to escape. The phrases they use are very banal, but this does not make them lose their fascinating appeal and effectiveness.
"I've never met anyone like you!"
"You can understand me like nobody else can."
"You're my soul mate."
"It's our destiny that we met."
"We do not need anyone else besides ourselves to be happy."
"We'll be together forever."
"I've never felt so good."
2. Typical phrases used in the devaluation phase
When the narcissist considers that they have conquered their victim, they begin to show their true nature. The moods that characterize the life of a narcissist, who is deeply dissatisfied when they do not feel gratified enough, are displayed through insults and accusations directed at their partner. The quarrels with a narcissist are always interspersed with gestures of affection because their intent is still to make believe that the relationship is worth being saved. By giving evidence of being loving people, they make the victim feel even more guilty and responsible for the quarrels. Here are some of the phrases said at this stage:
"You're crazy."
"You're too sensitive."
"It's no wonder that you had not found anyone before me."
"My friends hate you, but I always defend you."
"You're too insecure."
"There's something wrong with you."
"Your tears do not work on me."
"You always try to twist the truth."
Here are the phrases they will probably use when they decide to stop quarreling:
"I do so because you're too important to me."
"Sorry, it's just that in the past I was betrayed."
"Love is a complicated thing, we need to work on it."
"I don't do it on purpose, I must have a problem."
"Don't you remember how nice it was at the beginning?"
"Don't be angry with me, you know I have problems."
"I cannot understand why you like to fight and argue."
"It's the fault of your friends / your family. They're not good enough for you."
3. Typical phrases used during the discard phase
The goal of the narcissist can be said to have been completed when they feel that they have completely subjugated their victim, by having so manipulated their mind so as not to let their partner see them for what they really are. At this point, the narcissist is no longer interested in the relationship, but continues to use negative phrases to make sure to leave the relationship as the "winner". Typical phrases used during this phase are:
"Everyone hates you".
"You really are a bad person."
"You know you'll never get anyone better than me."
"Have fun being alone for the rest of your life."
"Realize what you have done to yourself."
What to do
The only way to prevent a narcissist from ruining our life, or anyway a period of it, is to get away from them as soon as possible. This is not easy, not because of a lack of strength, but because narcissists know very well how to pretend to be the good person that they are not. But realizing early you are dealing with such a person is essential to defend oneself because in the worst cases, the narcissist's strategies may not be limited to just words.
Whether there is violence or not, it is always good to talk about the situation with someone, to rely on associations or institutions, to identify the safest and most effective way to ward off a narcissist.
