According to many therapists, divorce shouldn't always be seen as a failure; sometimes it's for the best
Marriage is designed to stimulate people to grow. However, if after trying everything, even couples therapy, the choice is still divorce, it is almost never a symptom of failure.
To support this concept are psychologists experienced in marital problems and relationships, who propose an alternative vision of what has always been considered the worst way to end a relationship between a married couple.
But understanding what leads to divorce is the key to understanding why it does not deserve to be seen so negatively.
Marriage causes people to grow up. It challenges you to acknowledge your blind spots, exposes you to your selfishness and your immaturity. And this is a very good thing. Marriage will constantly ask you to grow up in a way you would not have been able to even imagine before.
Often one of the two partners, or both, dramatically realize that their marriage is not helping them to live the life they wanted. Making a decision in the sense of getting a divorce is often one of the best choices. It is synonymous with growth and maturation that has taken place over time that now leads to wanting things that are different from those obtained in a previous period of life.
Many may start to think that it is useless to marry if marriage inevitably leads to change but this type of change in itself is very difficult to achieve otherwise. Furthermore, it cannot be said that a change always leads to divorce. In fact, changes can strengthen a couple, or they can weaken it, it is all a matter of compatibility.
It is precisely by accepting the inevitability of change that one gives the best of oneself in relationships because to be afraid of the challenges inherent in marriage is to never face one's own weaknesses.
The real failure is not divorce, but to stay in a marriage that absorbs your lifeblood and energy. A couple does not fail when they decide to divorce, but they do fail when they avoid dealing with the situation. Divorce does not mean defeat, because every relationship teaches us something --- also when it reveals the need to be in another relationship.
The beauty of marriage is the intention to be with a person forever, but at the same time, there is also the awareness that things could change and at that point, the marriage must not fossilize into something that is like a vise. This actually means success, it means understanding that in life whatever is constantly changing is alive.
