"I don't help my wife": a husband teaches a life lesson to men who don't participate in domestic life
A fair and equitable distribution of household chores within a couple, whether married or not, seems to be the starting point on which a relationship can develop in a healthy way and without any kind of resentment. This is a stand point which, unfortunately, is not obvious to all men, as some often and willingly, let their wives or companions do their share of the housework. This is certainly not the rule and we are sure that many boyfriends, companions and husbands take care of their homes and children just like their partners. In many cases, however, when the man washes the dishes or cleans the floor in the living room, he feels compelled to receive compliments for the excellent work done, not really understanding that their contribution to the domestic chores is not "helping" his wife, but sharing the burdens in the life of a couple. John Hoxie, husband and devoted father, explains this best in a letter.
John Hoxie told an explanatory anecdote in an open letter that he wanted to share on the web. An anecdote about his relationship with his wife. The man described how one evening he had a friend in the house, who was invited for dinner, and at one point he said: "Excuse me for 5 minutes, I need to wash the dishes and I'll be back". The friend looked at him for a moment as if John had told him that he was going to do something extraordinary and then added perplexed: "Ok, I'm glad you help your wife, I usually never do because when I do, I never get any thanks for helping out. For example, I scrubbed the floor the other day, but she didn't even say thank you. " Faced with such a statement, John saw fit to explain the reality of things to his friend.
"I don't help my wife" John began to explain, "my wife doesn't need any help, she needs a partner. I am her partner in housework too, as there are divisions of duties." If other words are needed to make the concept clear, here they are: "I don't help my wife to clean the house, because I live there too and I have to clean it too. I don't help my wife to cook, because I also want to eat and I have to cook too. I don't help my wife wash the dishes after eating, because I use those dishes too. I don't help my wife with childcare, because they are also my children and my job is to be a good father. I don't help my wife to wash, hang or fold clothes, because the clothes are mine and my children's too. I'm not "a helper" in the house ... I am a part of the household!" And as for the alleged praise his friend was talking about, John explicitly asked: "When was the last time after your wife finished cleaning the house, washing clothes, changing the sheets, bathing children, cooking that you said "thank you"?
Perhaps the problem lies at the heart of our society: perhaps so far the wrong message has been given that, for some men, everything is due, because they have been taught that to obtain certain things they are not obliged to lift a finger.
The key to living peacefully and as equals in a couple is to really be there for each other. John's advice, an ordinary man who loves his wife, is just this: "Compliment her just as you wanted to be praised, with the same intensity. Give her a hand, act like a true companion, not a guest who only comes to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy his needs. The real change in our society begins inside our homes: let's teach our sons and daughters the true meaning of sharing! ".
